How's this for exciting!?

Well, where to start... See a couple of months ago I found out I was pregnant. Kind of a surprise, but we were excited, we always go back and forth about wanting one more but can never really decide. Well, we didn't tell anyone. I like to wait until at least 10 or 12 weeks, anyway, just to make sure, and then other people were pregnant and my sister was due and so there just wasn't really a good time to tell people, so we waited, and waited... I went in for an appointment on Monday to hear the heart beat, and there wasn't one. I should've been 12 weeks. So we went in and had an ultra sound and the baby wasn't alive. So... I was just going to let it "pass" I've had a couple of friends over the last few months that have miscarried at home and I heard theres alot of blood but its ok. So we still didn't tell everyone. My sister had her baby on Monday and I did not want to call my mom, who's down in Utah with Michelle, and ruin their excitement of a new baby.

Well, Saturday, about 1 am I started cramping, so I knew it was about to happen. At about 5 am I started bleeding and so I just went and sat on the toilet (sorry, gross I know...) Jacob woke up around 6 and found me still sitting on the toilet. The blood was just flowing out, so I didn't want to move. A few minutes later I felt myself starting to pass out. I've only done that one other time, after my last epidural, and sitting in my bathroom all alone I was terrified, what was going to happen, was I going to fall and hit my head? I was trying to call Jacob but I couldn't get my voice loud enough. Anyway, apparently he walked in a minute later and saw me passed out, and he couldn't get me to wake up. A few minutes went by and then I did come around, I guess, I don't remember, because then I passed right back out again. So he called 911. I came around a few minutes later to sirens... UGH! I was like "I'm fine, make them leave. I'm fine, I'm fine" I kept saying... I was laying on the floor at this point in the bathroom and losing blood like crazy. So the paramedics came, and I seemed to feel better. They made me sit up and talk to them and stuff, and then I told them to go, I didn't need the hosptiol. So they left. Jacob called Sonja and asked her to come over... Which she did with a 1/2 gallon of chocolate ice cream that we ate on the bathroom in the floor! I started to pass out one more time, and I remember thinking, "OK, the blood is normal but the passing out? So many times?" I was kinda starting to freak out. So I told Jacob that I thought I needed to go to the hospitol. I thought I could just walk out to the car, I did not want another ambulance coming. So I sat up... and started to go out again. So, he called the ambulance. They came and sat in the bathroom for a while, and then asked if I could get up to a sitting postition on the toilet to sit inside this chair thing to carry me out to the stretcher which wouldn't fit in the bathroom. So I sit up and in the chair thing, and pass out, again. The next thing I know I'm being carried out on the stretcher with an oxygen mask on my face.

The ambulance ride was uneventful. Once I came to, I was fine. Then we got to the emergency room and I'm not really sure what happened then. Jacob could tell it better. I passed out a few more times, my heart was stopping and they had to give me something to get it going again. I think a shot of adrenaline or something that got it beating again. My blood pressure was really low all morning and I just couldn't stay conscience. It was really wierd. Apparrently, I was just losing so much blood. They were giving me transfusions and the I remember the ER Doc saying, "you've got to stop bleeding so much, we can't get it in fast enough." Jacob said the nurse, (who was Amy Shafer Dilger, by the way), was trying to squeeze the bags of blood so they would pump in me faster. Our good friend, Billy Neff, came over and him and Jacob gave me a blessing just a couple of minutes before they wheeled me away for the surgery. I went in for the DNC, passed out one more time, as they were wheeling me down to the surgery room, and the next thing I remember I was in recovery. After the surgery was finished the bleeding was under control. I got some more blood, lots of IV's full of fluid, (you should see how many holes I have; both arms, in numerous places, both backs of my hands, fingers, wrists... they just kept poking needles in me!) It's wierd to think I have someone else's blood in me. I'd never thought about that before. The doctor was asking if I was ok with the transfusions, and I remember thinking, whatever it takes to keep me alive, just do it. I don't know what else you'd do, with the rate I was losing blood it didn't seem like there were any other options.

Jacob was so strong. I know he was really struggling seeing me like that. I'd look at him and every once in a while and see tears, or him shaking, but he never left my side or gave me any reason to think that everything was not going to be ok. He was always helping the doctor's and nurses. One of them asked if he had medical training. He's so good at it all. I love him so much and am so grateful for him in my life. I don't know what I'd do without him. I am so grateful that he was willing to ask for help, and knew when we needed it. He could be telling a totally different story if we'd waited 10 or 15 more minutes to call for help and my heart and decided to take its little break while we were at home alone. It really makes you think though how quickly you could loose everything. I am so grateful that everything turned out ok and looking at me today, I don't think anyone would be able to tell that I almost died yesterday. Its hard for me to even believe. We are going to fill out our wills though, tomorrow. A couple of times I've tried to sit down and figure it out and it always makes me so sad to think about one or both of us not being here, but its even worse to think that if the worse case scenario happened, you would have no say at all in what happens to your children.

Thank you to everyone who has helped out. My poor friend Sonja, who cleaned up my blood that was all over my bathroom after we left and watched my kids all day. Rachel and Maya for staying the night with the kids and all day Sunday. Billy for the blessing, all of the phone calls from everyone. I don't have the need very often to depend on the people around me, but I am so thankful for all of the wonderful friends and family I have and for all they did for our family this weekend. I never had even one moment of worry that my kids weren't being taken care of. And that is priceless, to know that when your not there other people are willing to give up their time to help you in whatever way you need it. THANK YOU EVERYONE SO MUCH! I LOVE YOU ALL AND AM SO THANKFUL FOR YOUR FRIENDSHIPS!